


Out of the Dark

by olivemartini



Category: Stitchers
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fear, Fluff, Hurt, Nightmares, Romance, S1E02, insecure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 00:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4120519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to stitching, Kirsten has begun to feel emotions for the first time.  While not particularly enjoyable, she does like to have them... until she discovers fear.  Now, startled awake by nightmares and staring into the dark, she's paralyzed by fear, and for the first time in her life, unable to think of a rational solution.  So who does she call to ease her fears?  Cameron, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the Dark

Cameron had asked her once what the worst part of stitching was.   
Kirsten supposed she could have told him about how strange it was to be in a dead persons body, and the thought right before she bounces that she won't make it out this time. She could have told him the way it feels to be submerged into that fish tank and have all eyes on her, or the split second between her conciousness and the dead persons, where she is simply nothing but a train of thought. But for Kirsten, the worst part was the emotions.   
She'd never had them before, thanks to her condition. So for Kirsten, it wasn't the actual stitching that was hard, it was dealing with the aftermath. Some part of those memories always stuck with her, and now she could feel things, on her own. Now she could get truly angry at Camille for things, feel hurt that their friendship might be because of the agency. She could feel a hint of apology after she was too rude, only had no way to deal with it. She could feel grief, making the loss of Ed incredibly real to her in a way that it wasn't before. There was even a small hint of... something whenever Cameron was around that she wasn't able to identify.   
This was not the answer that she had given Cameron.   
(In fact, she thought it might have been along the lines of, "I have to see you every day.")

 

The one emotion she was completely unprepared for was fear. Other emotions she's been able to get ready for, thanks to books and movies and other people. But nothing had warned her about the complete lack of irrational thought, the extra loud pounding of her heartbeat, the warnings screaming through her mind, the adrenline rush that both empowered and paralyzed her at the same time. Before stitching, she had been able to go up to anyone she liked, get herself into any dangerous situation she wanted, and was able to find a way out. But after she had stitched into the drug influenced memories, seeing normal people transform into monsters and actually feeling the girl's mind panic, she couldn't stop herself from being afraid.  
Not from a strange noise in the middle of the night.  
Not from when someone turns a corner and she thought she was alone.  
Not when she thinks about Marta, who sitching didn't agree with.  
And definitely not now, having just woke up from her first nightmare in years.

 

Kirsten had screamed into the darkness, but no one came rushing to her rescue. There had been monsters, like in the memory, and then Ed was there, screaming at her that she needed to find out who had killed him. She remembered that, but as she scrambled to get out of bed and onto her feet, she couldn't find anything to fight. So why was her heart beating so loudly? Why was she so afraid?  
Logically, she knew, nightmares were something most people had to deal with. She knew it was silly, to get so worked up that she was shaking and unable to stand. But she had never gotten the chance to learn to ignore them when she was little. She never had the comfort of a teddy bear or a concerned parent. It was all new to her, and maybe more terrifying than it would have been back then, because she had no one to turn to.   
Except Cameron, but she wouldn't call him.  
Embarrassingly, she was crying, even though there was no reason to be. Crying was something she had never done. It was disgusting, with the tears and the snot and the heaving sobs that were making it impossible for her to breathe. And as she sat there, imagining that the shadows were reaching towards her, she realized it might be better to call Cameron, even if it cost her a little bit of her pride.  
He picked up on the second ring, voice thick with sleep. "Kirsten. Cupcake." She winced at how drowsy she sounded, realizing she had woken him up at three in the morning for nothing. "You know it's late?"  
"Cam." Kirsten had planned out what she wanted to say, but she could only choke out his name before breaking down into sobs. "Cameron."  
"Are you okay? Kirsten? What's wrong?" He sounded much more alert now, and she heard him opening and closing drawers. "You got to stop crying Baby. Tell me what's wrong."  
It was comforting, to hear his voice. It had been the one thing she had known she could count on throughout this whole stiching ordeal, talking to her through that microphone. He'd been able to get her to stop panicing before, and it seemed to be working again (and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact he had said baby). "I'm scared Cam. Really scared. I- I don't..."  
There was a pause on his end, where she heard him curse quietly. "I'm coming Kirsten. I'll be there soon."

 

"It was so terrifying."  
"I know."  
"There was nothing I could do, I couldn't get away."  
"I know."  
"And I'm sorry for waking you up, I just, I was so scared."  
"I know."  
The two of them were now sitting together on the couch, Kirsten curled up into a ball and pressed into Cameron's side. She had stopped crying, but her hands were still shaking. Cameron hadn't asked, only opened his arms and let her fall against him, leading her to the couch, and letting her cry until she had no more tears to shed. Now he was alternating between stroking her hair and rubbing her back, humming a tune to a lullaby she remembered Ed singing to her. It was nice.  
"Cameron, I'm sorry." Kirsten knew this was childish. "It was only a nightmare. Like, a bad one, but still."  
"It's okay." He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together.  
"No, it isn't." Infuriatingly, she felt the tears start up again. "I shouldn't have bothered you, I just needed someone and you were the first person I thought of, my only thought really, and it's pathetic."  
"It's fine. I get it. IT's your first nightmre, isn't it? SInce you just experienced fear through the memory?" She nodded into his chest. "I think you're handling it better than most. Fear's tough to handle."  
"Well I'm tough. I should be able to handle it."   
"YOu don't have to handle everything." This seemed to strike a chord with her, and she stared up at him like he had reealed the mysteries of the universe.   
"I don't know how you do it." She was feeling that fluttering in her stomach again, the one she only got around him, and she had a horrible guess as to what it was. "These feelings, the whole having emotions... they hurt so bad. I can't do it."  
"You can. I've got faith in you."   
They weren't themselves. This whole situation had thrown them into uncharted territory. That must be why she hadn't questioned that she ed when he called her baby, why he was holding her hand. It didn't have anything to do with that strange new feeling. "I can't believe you showed up at 3 in the morning because of a nightmare."  
"I don't think you should face this stuff alone." He squeezed her hand. "It must be horrrible, the stitching. Sometimes, while I'm watching you do it, I wish I had never thought of it."  
"Why?" She turned her face towards his, noticing how vulnerable and troubled he looked.  
"Because it seems to hurt you so much."  
There was silnce then, that neither of them broke, even when Camille snuck through the front door. They watched the numbers on the clock change, one hour passing then the next, but still niether of them moved away frm the other. It hadn't even corssed their minds.   
"Is that the worst part of the stitching for you? Seeing it hurting me?" She wasn't sure what she wanted his answer to be.  
"The worst part.." Cameron seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "Is definitely that. Seeing your vitals spike and reach danger levels, knowing that I might have to make the choice to bounce you myself someday to save you. That terrifies me. What if you can't get your heart rate down the next time?" There was a panicked edge to his voice, a sort of desperation that didn't belong with him. "I can't lose you, Kirsten."  
"You won't." She twistyed to face him, almost climbing into his lap. What a strange night this has been. "You'll never have to do that, because you'll always be there to calm me down."


End file.
